He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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