I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
