Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The air was thick with penises
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
