that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
