After last night, I could never be a politician.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
wow bdsm is so cute
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
