Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
