My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
