Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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