***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
