We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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