So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
