You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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