that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
