If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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