Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
