Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
