She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
