So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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