we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
