I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
