I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
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It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
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