dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
