when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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