please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
