At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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