i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
