He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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