you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
