i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
