This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
