Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
