I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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