toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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