i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
