Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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