I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
