i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I checked into jail on foursquare
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
