You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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