so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
