True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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