ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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