Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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