update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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