I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
