How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
