You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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