dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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