Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
