she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
