If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
