jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
