I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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