I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
