well I can't set my house on fire every night
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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