One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
