Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
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Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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