I heard we made out
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
