I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
