I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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