He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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