I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
