i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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